Untamed and the Concept of 'Be Still and Know'
I struggle with being still. There might be some undiagnosed ADHD contributing to that trait, but I have to constantly be moving. There’s something in my soul that remains restless, seeking to feel life in all its glory across all of my senses at all times. Music plays in my house 24/7 (as evident by my absolutely ridiculous Spotify Wrapped numbers), I fidget endlessly with my silver ring that’s just a tad too loose on my right hand, and my favorite hobby outside of work is literally running my own publishing company.
Just to clarify once again: my hobby that is supposed to help me decompress after work is…more work.
I don’t mind my busy lifestyle. In fact, I quite enjoy the constant stimulation. Hence, why I continue to live my life in this manner. But there was a concept introduced to me in Glennon Doyle’s “Untamed”, a memoir following her journey to discovering and releasing her true self so she could live her most unapologetically authentic life, that really spoke to me. At one point in her book, she discusses how she struggled with the decision to divorce her husband. This struggle leads a friend to write four words to her that guides her decision making: Be still and know.
It seems like such a simple concept at first. There’s nothing easier you can do in this life than nothing. How hard could it possibly be to be still? It’s literally the opposite of taking any action ever. Furthermore, how hard could it be to know? One of the most basic pillars of philosophy is the concept of “I think, therefore I am.” All humans know something and therefore they are.
The tricky part comes with that “and” part.
You can be still, and you can know, but it’s incredibly difficult to be still and know at the same time. To be still and know means you can sit with yourself and be comfortable with the truth told to you from the depths of your soul that only you could create. This isn’t a truth told to you from the outside world that keeps you busy, keeps you not still. This isn’t a truth that can be influenced by lies and people who don’t know you as well as you know you. This is a truth created from you and you alone. That can be terrifying to face without the busy outside world to keep you distracted from facing it head on. Doyle calls this a “Knowing” in her book. This “Knowing” can be a powerful force in life. It’s what compelled Doyle to divorce her unfaithful husband to marry a woman she met once at a conference. It’s what drives people to follow their dreams, to buy the dog they always wanted, write a novel, or, heck, even just grab some Taco Bell because you’ve been craving it for days and dammit you deserve that cheesy gordita crunch wrap (you really do, though).
But it can be a ton of work to develop that ability to be still and know. First, the act of being still is surprisingly difficult to achieve. Even if you’re not a lifelong workaholic like me, when was the last time you were able to authentically sit still and not engage with anything in the outside world? No music, no TikTok, no social media at all, no alcohol, no drugs, no food, absolutely nothing to keep yourself occupied with anything but yourself and your thoughts. Our world today offers so much stimulation at any given moment that it’s almost impossible to get away with not engaging with any of it. One of my favorite podcasters, Victoria Albina, calls these distractions “buffering” as they often serve as a “buffer” to distract from unwanted feelings of discomfort that we don’t want to face. Even if those feelings are just simple boredom as you wait for dinner to finish cooking, that social media you chose to scroll through is still a distraction from those feelings and a distraction from the concept of being still.
For most of us, I bet it takes a conscious effort to actually be still and do nothing. It does for me at least. To work on this, I’ve been developing my practice in meditation and mindfulness. It’s been a slow journey. Most of my early meditation sessions were me silently mocking the practice, counting down the minutes on my timer and wishing they would go faster so I could say I did my good deed for the day and move on with my life. It wasn’t until I started exercising mindfulness that meditation became a more serious practice. Just tiny little moments in the day where I check in with myself and see how I’m feeling. As I stare at my computer screen for work, I’ll ask myself “how are you feeling” and emotionally check in with “I’m bored and a little hungry” before checking in on my physical body with “Oh my neck is a little cramped and my legs could use a stretch”. Even if I don’t do anything in that moment to accommodate how I’m feeling, it’s good to have the practice and reminder to check in on myself so I learn how to recognize those feelings in the future with more ease.
Now the Knowing part is actually likely the scariest part to embrace. It’s one thing to be told a truth from the outside world because you can dismiss it a lot easier if you don’t like it. But if your Knowing is telling you something you don’t like, are you really going to deny the truth generated for you from the depths of your soul and heart? When you’re still as well, you’re forced to embrace this truth. You can’t buffer it with the distractions of the busy outside world. It takes a lot of trust in yourself to not only develop this truth, but also gather the strength to embrace it when you hear it. I wish I could help tell you how to create this trust, but the truth is that I’m still working on it too. Some of my favorite podcasts advise to practice tiny little promises throughout a day. Promise yourself to drink more water and then actually drink more water. A lot of it for me is blind faith. I let myself fall forward and hope something catches me on the way down. If it doesn’t, then I just have to dust yourself off and try again from a new spot. But perseverance and hope are also muscles that require practice to build so it’s okay if the trust doesn’t come easy. It’s okay if it doesn’t come fast. One day, if you just keep chipping away at it, the idea to be still and know will still be possible.
Glennon Doyle’s memoir “Untamed” is a fantastic, and easy to read, lesson in freeing yourself to live your best authentic and unapologetic life regardless of external factors. But it also offers this great practice of remaining quiet to discover the best way to live your unapologetic life. I crave the opportunity to feel life to its fullest, hence my innate restlessness, and the option to be still and know seems like a great way to help me feel life to its fullest by understanding myself on a deeper level and not allowing the buffers of the outside world distract from that Knowing.
Or it’s just an excuse to keep buffing my Spotify Wrapped stats by playing music during my meditation times. Both work for me.